I have entered the world of online dating and it is terrifying. As someone who hasn’t dated in over two decades, it is a whole new world. In order to be successful, you have to have a certain mindset and know the pitfalls to avoid. Here are some things I have learned to make it easier for anyone who wants to use an app to find the love of their life.

10 Tips for Online Dating

Do App Research

Different apps attract different audiences. They all have their strengths and weaknesses. For example, you may find a long-term partner on Tinder, but Bumble and Hinge seem to be better options for serious relationships. Also, some apps have less security and are more susceptible to scams. Do some exploring and find the one that fits your goals the best.

Pay for the Upgrade

All online dating apps offer a free option but it is very limited. For instance, you may not be able to see if more than a few people “like” you. If you can afford it, best to go for the premium options. This will allow you much more functionality and increase your chances of actually finding someone.

Do a Video Call (Somewhat) Early

Catfishing and scams are all over dating apps. You have no idea who is on the other end of that text. Doing a video call early to see who you are really talking to is a good idea. That way, you don’t waste a lot of precious time on somebody who you may not be who they say they are.

Quick Tip: Don’t do the video call too early. I had a woman video call me without warning right after I had just texted her for the first time. It seemed like an invasion. Needless to say, It didn’t leave me with a good first impression.

Approach Online Dating with a Healthy Dose of Skepticism

Speaking of scams, it is best to be a little skeptical of online dating. Certain people on apps want to take you for money or have other sinister intentions. Beware of people that want to talk on other apps or seem a little bit too excited about crypto. And, if you are a middle-aged man, it is a red flag if an attractive 30-year-old seems interested (lesson learned).

Be Hopeful

At the same time, it is okay to be hopeful. You might believe that online dating is a wasteland of failed couples, but it is now the most popular way that people form romantic relationships. It really can work if you give it a chance.

It’s Not Me, It’s You

Unless you look like a movie star, it is quite common to get “ghosted”. For those not familiar with the term, it means that someone breaks off all contact with you without warning. I have been in contact with women for weeks, only to have them “ghost” me without warning. It can feel devastating but it is important to keep in mind that you don’t know the motivations for why a person doesn’t want to see you anymore. For example, they may have a personal issue or a secret they don’t want to reveal. And this applies to all rejection, not just “ghosting”. Online dating is a numbers game. You might have to wade through the muck before you happen upon paradise. So, try not to take everything personally. Look at rejection as part of the process and get back into the fray.

Choose Real Recent Photos

I understand the desire to post photos that make you look like a runway model. We want people to be attracted to us and pay us attention. However, it is in your best interest to post photos that show what you look like right now. Nobody wants to be surprised on a date. Attraction is important. So, nix the desire to include photos of you when you were young and hot if you are middle-aged and wrinkly. You are just wasting your and someone else’s time. And definitely post some pictures of your face. Photos of trees and beaches are nice, but those profiles will almost always be ignored.

Quick Tip:

Someone with photos too good to believe is likely to be too good to be true.

Be Honest on Your Profile

Similarly, you may have the inclination to do a George Santos and embellish your positive attributes. Don’t. A relationship is built upon trust and honesty. Starting out with lies is almost always going to end in disaster. Besides, you want someone to like the real you, not a fabricated dream person. If they don’t like you for you, then it won’t work out anyway.

Don’t Be Overly Picky About Looks

When you date online, you are judging someone based on pictures and a profile. It is not much to go on. The only way you are really going to get to know them is to chat and go on dates. So, don’t be too picky. Yes, you want some level of attraction but it doesn’t need to be love at first sight. If you like their personality and find them reasonably pleasing, then it is probably worth pursuing. Your attraction will grow as your feelings deepen.

Don’t Do Anything That Makes You Feel Uncomfortable

Let’s face it, the world of online dating is filled with sketchy people. Your first priority is to protect yourself. Ever heard of the “Tinder Swindler” or the “Plenty of Fish Killer”? It is important to be cautious and listen to your gut. If you are not sure about someone, there is probably a reason for it.

Here a few safety tips you should always follow: 1) Always meet in public places until you get to know someone 2) Never send them money 3) Wait awhile before you share personal information, such as your address.

Online dating can be an emotional roller coaster and it is not without its risks. But it reaches a wide swath of people and it is a good way to start romantic relationships and even friendships. Just prepare to be careful—and thick-skinned—and you might find that it leads you to your person.