The holiday season is often depicted like a Hallmark film, filled with family togetherness, love, and good cheer. Unfortunately, as mentioned in my previous post, many people do not share that idyllic family life during the holiday season. Instead, the holidays bring about feelings of sadness and loneliness. Let’s discuss ways to cope with those feelings of loneliness during the holidays. 

Why Are You Lonely?

The first step is to identify the reasons for your loneliness. Do you feel lonely in a room full of friends? Do you generally isolate yourself from others? Maybe your friendships are unfulfilling or you aren’t comfortable in your own skin. Possibly you are going through a divorce or another difficult transition. In order to know how to cope with your loneliness, you need to figure out the source. If you are having trouble figuring this out on your own, talk to a friend or relative about it or see a therapist.

What Are You Looking For?

Understanding why you are lonely will help you figure out what your ideal situation would look like. For instance, do you like to spend time with a few close friends or would you rather be in a crowded room? Once you know what you would find satisfying, you can pursue your goals.

Coping Measures

Reframe Your Thoughts

Sometimes we are our own worse enemy when it comes to being alone. As long as you associate being alone with something negative, you will never be happy. While being by yourself all the time may not be optimal, being alone is not always a bad thing. I’ll share something about myself as an example.

When I was in High School, I always wanted to have something to do on a Saturday night. This was not because I hated being by myself. In fact, I actually enjoyed being alone at times. My aversion to being by myself on a Saturday night was because I had convinced myself that there was something wrong with being alone. It meant I was not “cool” or likable. The truth was that my being alone on a Saturday night had nothing to do with whether I was an acceptable human being. It was my perception of the situation that was negative, not the actual act of staying home alone.

We all have these thinking errors at times and they get in the way of us feeling good. Instead of thinking negatively, focus on the positives of being alone. For example, it gives you the opportunity to do what you want without interruption. You can work on ways to better yourself and become a more confident person. Being alone does have its advantages.

It is also important to understand that feeling lonely is expected in certain situations. For instance, after a romantic breakup you are almost always going to feel lonely. Instead of saying to yourself that you are a loser because you are no longer a part of a couple, recognize that relationships don’t always work out, it is a temporary situation, and you will get back into the dating scene when you are ready. In the meantime, it is okay to be by yourself. No one expects you to feel good after a breakup, you shouldn’t either.

Get Involved

If you have figured out that you do need to be around more people in order to feel happy, then get involved in an activity. This can be in the form of joining a class, volunteering or going to a Meetup group. Not only will you surround yourself with potential friends, but these people will likely have similar interests. It is always easier to start conversations with people with whom you have something in common. The bottom line is that you can’t have meaningful relationships with people if you spend all your time at home curled up in a ball. It is going to take some effort on your part, and you may have to confront some anxious feelings along the way, but it will be worth it.

Social Media

The internet is a great resource. Meeting people online is a good place to initially form a connection as long as you can avoid some common pitfalls. Looking at images of a bunch of smiling people on Facebook or Instagram can make you feel even lonelier. You have to understand that a picture does not mean a person is happy and you are not worth their time. Comparing your life to a picture is a mistake.

It is also important to take your online correspondence offline at some point. To be a truly fulfilling relationship, you need to be able to do things together in the real world. Besides, being alone in your house on your computer is still, ultimately, being alone. Use that bond you have formed online to take your relationship to the next level.

Pets

Pets are great companions that generally provide joy and comfort to our lives. Additionally, there is research that shows that pets can help to alleviate feelings of loneliness. Different types of pets, however, offer different levels of companionship. The unconditional love of a dog, for instance, is not to be confused with the indifference of a fish. This can be both a good and bad thing. While you will probably have a stronger bond with an affectionate pet, you are also more likely to become dependent on a pet who provides you with a sense of connection.

When it comes to pets, you have to ask yourself an important question: does having a pet keep you from going out and meeting people? Pets should not be used as a replacement for human contact. They are rather a great complementary piece.

The Wrap Up

Loneliness is a powerful emotion, with many associated negative outcomes. Feelings of loneliness can be debilitating and are often more pronounced during the holidays. Once you recognize the cause of your loneliness, however, you can do something about it. Remember, being alone is not “bad” unless you perceive it that way. If you take steps to form positive relationships—and work on being happy with yourself—you can keep loneliness at bay.