The media has talked a lot about how COVID-19 has brought depression and anxiety to millions of people around the world. What is less talked about are the feelings of shame that have been deposited at our doorstep. Shame is not as familiar a topic but it can be just as damaging as other negative emotions. We’ll take a deep dive into how the coronavirus has brought this troubling feeling to the masses.

What is Shame?

Shame can be described as a “painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior”. Most people experience shame because they have done something they regret. Think of it as embarrassment on steroids.

The interesting thing about shame, however, is that you can feel shame for doing nothing wrong. That is usually because someone else is trying to make you feel poorly. For example, say you have a job working as a waiter in a restaurant. A white-collar professional snob might believe that waiting on tables is a lesser job and attempt to put you down. If you are not proud of your profession, then you are likely to experience shame over your job. But there’s the catch. You can’t feel shame unless you yourself are embarrassed. Shame is an internal emotion. No one else can make you feel it without your own supporting internal beliefs. In fact, you may believe that other people are looking down at you even if they aren’t. That is because you are ashamed of yourself. Other people’s opinions just add to your own feelings.

Shame is a core emotion. It speaks to what you really feel about yourself. It is a commentary on who you are as a person. Put simply, it is feeling mortified about yourself. Most of the time, embarrassment over something you did is temporary. You will get over it. But how can you move on from feeling humiliated about your own self-perception? That is what makes shame so devastating.

How Does The Coronavirus Relate to Shame?

On the face of it, COVID-19 does not seem to have much of a relationship with shame. But let’s look at how the coronavirus has contributed to this harmful feeling.

Having COVID-19

It is important to remember that shame is not always a logical emotion. You really should not feel bad about catching a disease but testing positive to COVID-19 is like wearing the Scarlett letter. It implies you are somehow weak or you weren’t careful enough. Whatever the case, when you have the coronavirus it as if you are a leper. No one wants to be near you. In fact, the US government recommends that you quarantine yourself for a couple of weeks. When that happens you can’t help but feel like you did something wrong.

Financial Hardship.

Millions of people have lost their jobs and businesses due to the coronavirus. Being unemployed, even though it is not their fault, is shameful for a lot of people. Having to go to a food bank or accept charity from others is something that many Americans never thought they would have to do. For many people, their job is their identity. They struggle to deifine themselves if they are not working. For others, it is an issue of dignity. Being able to provide for yourself and your family is a point of pride. The financial problems of COVID-19 have presented multiple challenges to people’s self-image and contributed to varying levels of shame.

Social Distancing

This one cuts both ways. The gradual reopening of the country has brought about problems in how we relate to each other regarding coronavirus guidelines. People that are not social distancing try to make others feel shame for wearing masks and following restrictions. Some of this has political origins but when someone is insulting you it does not matter why they are saying it. On the other hand, there is plenty of shaming of those who are not following COVID-19 restrictions, despite the loosening of stringent rules. Police are receiving hundreds of reports per day over people not following social distancing guidelines in public spaces. You could say that these people are just trying to keep everyone safe. But shame doesn’t care.

Protesting

Protests have broken out across the country in relation to the murder of George Floyd. Racial inequity is finally getting some much-deserved attention. Unfortunately, these protests have obliterated the observation of the coronavirus. If you look at pictures of the protests, at least half are not wearing masks and almost none are following social distancing. We are being forced to make a terrible choice. Support a just cause or risk getting COVID-19. You could feel shame for doing either or for not doing one because of the other. Does protecting the health of my family mean I don’t support racial equality? Does protesting show disrespect for my family’s well-being?

The Coronavirus Does Not Cause Shame

Coronavirus has brought about a lot situations that might lead people to feel shame. I think it is important to remember, however, that we did not create this disease. It is not our fault that bats in China (or whatever it was) spread it to the rest of the world. It is also critical to recognize that people can’t make you feel shame unless you let them. Chances are likely you will eventually get through this awful situation. That being said, we will all be much better off when we find a vaccine. It will be time to have a huge party and flush any associated shame down the toilet. In the meantime, focus on treating yourself and others with kindness and care. You deserve it.