Full disclosure. I suffer from addiction. This is a somewhat recent revelation for me, so I am still wrapping my head around it. It is not something that is easy to discuss. You see, addiction is a life-long problem. You have to accept that you will not be able to do certain things that you have done your whole life. You have to accept that you have hurt people you did not want to hurt. You also need to believe that your addiction is not an excuse. It does not absolve you from responsibility. Although I did not choose to be dependent, I did make the choice to not deal with my problems. When you don’t deal with your issues, they will come back to bite you. Addiction gets stronger over time. When you ignore it, it is like adding gasoline to a fire.

I Don’t Have An Addiction, Do I?

People who have an addiction are often unaware that they have one. It might be denial. It might be ignorance. It might be any number of defense mechanisms. Whatever the case, it is hard to fight against something when you don’t know you have it. For example, you may function perfectly well overall but need a drink every night after work to unwind. Could you do without that drink? Or have you come to rely on it as a way to cope with stress? You may not consider it a dependency issue because you are a responsible person. And maybe it will never get significantly worse. Unfortunately, addiction is a slippery slope that can get out of hand quickly. If you want to keep it manageable you have to recognize it as a potential problem.

Even if you don’t realize you have an addiction, you will surely recognize you have problems. It is likely causing you difficulties in some part of your life. You may minimize those problems but they are there. I knew I had problems, but I also had a lot of distorted thoughts which kept me from confronting my demons. When a psychologist told me I suffered from addiction, those problems suddenly made a lot more sense.

Addiction Is Real

Strangely enough, I used to have my doubts about addiction. Is it real or is it just poor coping skills? Why can’t someone just choose not to drink, use drugs, etc? It seemed easy enough. Unless you have a dependency issue it is very difficult to describe. It does not always mean you can’t abstain, it means you don’t want to abstain. Those urges may decrease over time, but one slip up and they can be back at full strength. That is why most addiction treatment follows an abstinence model. If you are an alcoholic, you can’t drink and expect to succeed. That even applies to something like a food addiction. Yes, you have to eat to survive but there are certain triggers and risky behaviors that you will need to cut out of your life if you want to manage it successfully.

Addiction Is Strong

Having an addiction means you don’t want to give up whatever it is that has a hold on you, even if it injures the people you love. I remember saying to myself that what I was doing was going to ruin my life and hurt other people. Did I stop? No, I felt helpless to do the right thing. I did not want to do the right thing. I wanted to give in and feed my addiction. The pull of dependency is strong enough to overcome good sense, personal ethics, and morality if you allow it to get out of hand. I felt like I was a good person but I knew I was doing a bad thing. That is a contradiction that is hard to understand and difficult for other people to swallow. That is the power of addiction.

Ask For Help

You can’t beat a dependency issue on its own. That was one of the things my therapist first told me. He said to me, “you are not helpless to fight addiction but you are helpless to fight addiction alone”. You are going to need assistance, whether that is through treatment, a support group, or the caring and concern of friends and family. If you are lucky, you will have all of the above. No one is strong all the time. No one keeps themselves accountable all the time. That is where other people come in. They will help keep you on the right path and prop you up when you feel weak. There is no shame in asking for help. In fact, it takes a lot of strength. It is when we ignore problems or try to do solve them on our own that we invite failure.