I used to think I was self-aware until I found out I didn’t know myself as well as I thought I did. In fact, I was rather clueless about many of my issues. One might argue that there is nothing more essential in life than self-awareness. If you don’t know yourself it is likely to lead to a host of problems. Let’s explore the importance (and difficulty) of self-awareness

What does it mean to be self-aware?

Self-awareness is complicated. It requires having insight into the content of your thoughts, feelings, and behavior. Additionally, self-awareness is understanding how you process thoughts and feelings. Daniel Goleman, of Emotional Intelligence fame, said that self-awareness is “knowing one’s internal states, preference, resources, and intuitions.” In order to be self-aware, you must have a realistic and non-judgmental view of yourself. To me, the ability to be objective about yourself is the most important facet of self-awareness. It is also much easier said than done.

How can I see from the outside when I’m on the inside?

How can we be expected to have a realistic perspective on ourselves when we, as human beings, are inherently biased? This is one of the major obstacles of self-awareness. No person is completely objective when it comes to themselves. It is normal to want to think of ourselves in positive terms. Therefore, we tend to block out information that might portray us as less than flattering. One might call this a defense mechanism or a simple avoidance of our faults. Whatever the case, it prevents us from knowing our true self. Luckily, we can take certain steps to help ourselves become more self-aware.

How can I become more self-aware?

Feedback

Other people often see us more realistically than we see ourselves. We must be open to their feedback if we are to become more self-aware. A friend or family member that is willing to be honest is a valuable resource. Keep in mind that some people will just tell you what you want to hear. While that may be more flattering —and make you feel better in the short-term— it impedes the development of self-awareness.

Vulnerability

You can’t be self-aware if you are not willing to be vulnerable. First of all, someone can’t really know you if you do not show it to them. If they don’t know you they can’t give you accurate feedback. Second, if you put up a wall, you will not be able to see yourself in realistic terms. You have to be willing to look at the real you, warts and all. In addition, being vulnerable will allow you to have closer, more meaningful relationships. Vulnerability is the gateway to self-awareness.

Self-reflection

This is an opportunity to take stock of your life. Ask yourself important questions in a brutally honest manner. For instance, What do you want to accomplish? What is holding you back? Are there problems in your relationships? What can you do to improve yourself and your life? Periods of self-reflection need to happen somewhat regularly so issues can be addressed before they become problematic.

Journaling

Have you ever been surprised when you went back to read something you previously wrote? We often forget about our past mental state and distort its meaning. Keeping a journal gives us a glance at our past thoughts and their evolution over time. It also forces us to express ourselves when we otherwise might have stifled our feelings. Keeping a journal is often cathartic and has the added benefit of providing a canvas for self-examination.

Therapy

One of the main goals of psychotherapy is increasing self-awareness. Recognizing our issues and how to cope with them is usually why one seeks treatment. For example, a cognitive-behavioral therapist is trained to help you identify your beliefs, how they impact your behavior, and how to change them for the better. What’s more, a therapist is an objective person who can provide you with realistic feedback without you worrying they will spill your deepest secrets.

The journey to self-awareness is hard. It requires a willingness to look at yourself in the mirror no matter what you might see there. Despite its complexity, the pursuit of self-awareness is worth it. Think about it, how can you address your weaknesses and develop your strengths if you don’t know what they are? Bottom line: you can’t be mentally healthy without being self-aware.