We’ve all seen it. You are out at a restaurant and a family of four walks in. As soon as they sit down the kids whip out their phones. Soon they are texting, surfing, or watching YouTube. One thing is for sure, they are not talking to their parents. Maybe this looks like your family. Maybe you don’t know what to do. Are smartphones taking over your lives? Here are some tips on how to manage your child’s cell phone use.

You Can’t Completely Get Rid Of Phones

Smartphones are here to stay. They provide us with information and a means of communication. They give us reminders and organize our lives. As much as you might want to throw them in the trash at times, they have become a vital part of our lives. For children, they are even more important. Much of their social life revolves around the ability to text, play games, and go on social media. Heck, teachers are even incorporating them into school lessons. Remember, most of our kids have never known a world without cell phones. It is unrealistic to banish them from your (or your child’s) life. The key is to learn to integrate them into your household in a healthy way.

Establish Ground Rules

It is important to establish the rules for cell phone use as soon as children get their first smartphone. This will make it much easier later on. They will be happy to have a phone and will more readily agree with your restrictions. If you try to introduce rules after they have had a phone for a while you will likely be met with more resistance. The rules you establish for phone use will vary according to your own values. You will want to give this some serious thought and establish clear rules when you present them with the phone. Having said that, here are some further suggestions to help manage cell phone use:

Phones Are Not Private

One message that needs to be delivered loud and clear is that you, as the parent, are the owner of the phone. You are allowing your children to use the phone but it does not belong to them. Having a phone is a privilege. Therefore, the information on the phone is not private. You have a right to look at it when you choose. Now, this does not mean you should be examining their phone daily, but if you suspect something is going on, feel free to take a look. As a general rule, the older they get, the more privacy you will give them.

P.S. There are apps that track exactly what people are doing on their phones. While this may seem a bit extreme for some people, if you have trust issues with your child it might keep them out of trouble and help you sleep easier at night.

The Phone Is Not For Punishment

First of all, punishment does not really work in the long run. It has been shown repeatedly to only change short-term behavior. Second, while it might be tempting to take away their phone every time they do something wrong, it is not effective. Remember, consequences have to make sense. The only time it would make sense to limit their phone use is when they have committed a phone-related offense. For example, if you find they are texting explicit pictures to friends with their phone then, by all means, take away their phone for a specific period of time. On the other hand, if they skip class, give them a non-phone related consequence. I mean, what does their phone have to do with them cutting class? The consequence needs to fit the crime for it to be effective.

No Phones An Hour Before Bed (And After)

Phones at bedtime are a bad idea. The blue light that comes off of phones (or all screens for that matter) interrupts the production of melatonin and makes it harder to get to sleep. Additionally, kids are not going to go to sleep on time if you allow them to have a phone in their room. They will likely be up texting, etc. A lack of sleep is becoming an epidemic for children and phones and other electronic devices are largely to blame. Sleep deprivation affects children in many negative ways, both physically and emotionally. Your children may argue if you take their phones before bedtime but they will thank you later. Removing the phone an hour before bedtime is a good idea. So, if your kid goes to bed at 9:30 pm, make sure the phone is removed by 8:30.

No Phones At Meals

More and more, kids are isolating themselves from their families. Between videogames, social media, and watching TV they spend a lot of time on screens. Mealtime is one of the only times left to spend quality time with children. Besides, being on your phone during a meal is rude. This goes double if you are going out to eat. Use mealtimes to connect with your family and find out what is going on in everyone’s lives.

Practice What You Preach

You have heard it said hundreds of times: you are a role model. You can’t expect your kids to limit their smartphone use if you are on yours all the time. If you are obsessed with your phone they will be too. Instead, show them how to live a life where smartphones are just a part of the equation. You have more influence than you think. Use it don’t abuse it.

Phones In Moderation

In a previous post, Everything in Moderation, I discussed the importance of avoiding extremes. This also applies to cell phone use. Unless you have decided on a life in the jungle, you and your kids are going to use smartphones. That is okay. You simply don’t want them glued to them 24/7. Much of life is about balance. A healthy person is going to unplug once in a while. There is a great world out there filled with people and activities that don’t have anything to do with smartphones. Do your kids a favor, and help them find it.