“All guys watch porn”. This is probably a phrase you have heard before. And it is mostly true. At some point in their life, I believe almost every man has watched some pornography. What differs from person to person is the amount of porn they watch and how important it is to them. Some people look at sexually explicit images or videos and find it exciting but it is something they do only occasionally. For others, it is a regular part of their day and something they do not want to go without. For those people who get hooked on porn, it is a serious problem.

Accessibility

Pornography is everywhere. Before the internet exploded, you had to go behind the curtain of a video store to get your fix. Or, you had to risk someone seeing you grabbing that Playboy from the bookstore. If you were embarrassed, it acted as a deterrent. Now, you can access thousands of videos with a click of a button. You can look at porn for free in the privacy of your home and not worry about being caught. If you have a desire to look at naked people performing sex acts this is the golden age. I would argue that the ease of which porn can be accessed makes it highly dangerous.

Is Porn Really Bad for You?

Masturbation is healthy, right? So why is masturbating to porn a bad thing? There appears to be a view in the general public that pornography, while seedy and possibly immoral, is not really bad for you. I think it is fair to say, however, that there are many more negatives than positives when it comes to watching porn. In fact, the only positive is that it could contribute to your sex life with a willing partner. Let’s look at some of the negative outcomes of watching pornography.

Brain Chemistry Changes

There is research that suggests that frequently watching pornography changes your brain chemistry. This is similar to the way drugs affect neural pathways. Your brain gets rewired to emphasize its pleasure centers. It leaves you wanting more and nothing else will suffice. It is easy to see how someone can become obsessed. This is especially true for teenagers, who will be naturally curious and whose brains are still developing.

Objectification

Porn objectifies both men and women. Instead of looking at these “actors” as human beings with feelings, you see them simply as sexual objects made to fulfill your desires. That often transfers over to the people in your life. You start to see friends and family as objects rather than people with complicated emotions. That can become very dangerous. When you objectify people, it is much easier to shut off empathy and treat others poorly. It also makes it more difficult to integrate sexual behavior into someone’s personality. You may end up seeing someone as either a sexual object or a non-sexual object but not as a person with both aspects to their personality.

Romantic Relationships

Pornography is unrealistic. There is no way your partner can measure up to what you watch on Pornhub. You want your partner to perform like a porn star in bed and they usually fall far short. As a result, you become disappointed in your sex life and would rather watch pornography than be romantic with your significant other.

In real relationships, you have to deal with a person’s personality for better or worse. With porn, you get your sexual needs met without any personal interaction needed. Pornography is a fantasy but, when you watch it regularly, you want it to become the reality.

Shame

Most people don’t talk about their relationship with pornography. Despite the fact that many people acknowledge that they have viewed it, it is still a taboo subject in our society. Porn is associated with something dirty. As a result, people tend to keep it secret. In a previous post, I discussed the damaging consequences of secrets. In addition, because of its negative connotation, you feel embarrassed and ashamed for having watched it. Shame is a harmful emotion. It eats away at you and can cause other issues, such as anxiety and depression. You have to question why you are undertaking a behavior that causes you to feel shame.

Can You Be Addicted to Porn?

Pornography addiction is a subset of sexual addiction. Sexual addiction is on the verge of becoming a formal psychiatric diagnosis. In the next edition of the ICD (International Classification of Diseases) it will be listed for the first time as a compulsion disorder. For those who do not know, the ICD is the classification system that health care providers use to diagnose patients, primarily for insurance purposes. In the DSM-VI (the psychiatric bible for diagnosis) it will also likely be acknowledged for the first time, although it will probably take several years for the new edition to come out. Although its formal recognition by the medical community is coming soon, sexual addiction is a very real problem now. Due to a growing amount of research and anecdotal evidence, it is being taken seriously much in the same vein as gambling, alcohol, and internet addiction.

Compartmentalization

At the beginning of an addictive cycle, it is much easier to keep the developing problem separate from the rest of your life. You may be able to function perfectly well as an employee, parent, or spouse as you watch pornography every day. After a while, however, it is more difficult to compartmentalize. It will start to seep into other aspects of your life and can become potentially ruinous. Maybe you stop meeting your household responsibilities so you can watch porn. Or, you try to sneak it at work. Possibly, your marriage begins to suffer because you don’t want to be intimate. Whatever the case—if you don’t seek help—porn will find a way to cause problems in your life.

Tolerance Issues

As with any addiction, you can develop a tolerance to pornography. As time goes on, you end up needing larger, more intense doses to obtain the same level of fulfillment. This can lead to people searching for more extreme sexual experiences both online and in person. The more severe the need, the more disruption it will cause.

Sexual Addiction Is More Prevalent Than You Think

Porn is exciting. It is enticing. It is an easy way to get a quick sexual fix. Combine the lure of porn with the ease of accessibility and you are going to find many people who become addicted. Due to the normalizing of pornography, not to mention the sensitive nature of sex in general, addiction in this area is often going unrecognized. Additionally, people are embarrassed to admit they may have a problem and do not want to go to a professional who may be able to diagnose their issue. As a result, there are many more people that have a sexual addiction than we know about.

How Do I Address A Porn Problem?

It is critical to get help if you believe you have an issue with pornography or sexual addiction. Here are some things to keep in mind if you suspect a problem.

Self-Evaluation

The first step is recognizing you have a problem. You know you watch porn but maybe you don’t think it is an issue. If that is the case, you need to take a deeper dive into your behavior. How often do you watch it? How long do you watch it? Has the intensity of your behavior increased over time? Can you imagine doing without it? These are questions we often sweep to the side because we don’t want to stop performing an addictive behavior. It is time to examine your actions and be honest with yourself.

Professional Help

Therapists who work with sex addiction are not very prevalent, especially compared to treatment providers who work with depression and anxiety, but they are out there. Do an internet search and find some in your area. If that fails, sometimes other therapists might be able to provide a referral.

SA/SAA

Just as there is AA for alcoholics and NA for people with drug addictions, there is SA (Sexaholics Anonymous) and SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous) for people with sexual addictions. These meetings are modeled similarly to AA and offer support while trying to deal with sexual addiction.

Ask For Help

You have to want help to successfully conquer a pornography problem. It is unlikely you can beat it alone. If you are lucky, you will not have to hit rock bottom before you ask for assistance. Remember, you are not alone. It is an increasingly common issue. Think about it. Isn’t it better to deal with a little embarrassment than the possibly nasty consequences of ongoing pornography addiction?