More and more people are seeking psychotherapy. The percentage of adults getting mental health treatment increased from 19.2% in 2019 to 21.6% in 2021. This is likely due to several factors: Daily stress is increasing, the stigma of mental health treatment is decreasing, and people are into wellness more than ever before. Plus, the addition of psychotherapy apps makes mental health treatment as accessible as owning a smartphone. But, if you have never received mental health treatment, you might be wondering what it is really like. Here is what you can expect from psychotherapy.

Therapy Isn’t Just Talking

Although a therapist might let you lead the conversation, they have an agenda. The therapist will subscribe to a certain psychological theory and will structure the session so as to meet push you toward certain objectives. In other words, don’t expect that you will be able to go to a therapy session and talk about whatever you want. It isn’t the same as talking to a friend.

Your Therapist Is Not Your Friend

Speaking of friends, your therapist is a professional who you are paying to help you make progress on specific issues. Although you may spill your guts to them and feel close to them, they are not your buddy. And, according to therapist ethics, they should put up certain boundaries to make it clear that this is not a personal relationship. In short, if you try to act like a friend to your therapist, you are jeopardizing the relationship and your treatment goals.

You Don’t Lie On A Couch

The first thing you may notice if you go to a therapist’s office is that it may not look like you have seen it on TV or in the movies. In reality, it probably looks like a slightly more comfy home office. You also may be shocked to find that most people do not lie down on a couch when they receive therapy. The office may have a couch but unless you are seeing a psychoanalytic psychotherapist, you likely will not be asked to lie down on it. Most people just sit in a chair.

You Need To Work

Some people have the idea that you see a therapist and vent and something magically happens. They don’t understand that they will need to put in significant effort to make progress in therapy. At the very least, this means that you will need to spend a good amount of time thinking about your problems outside of therapy. To make more progress, you will need to be doing tangible assignments and constantly working on yourself.

You May Have Homework

Let’s discuss homework. Less than one percent of your week is spent in therapy. So, it makes a lot of sense that your therapist is going to give you things to work on outside of the session. After all, how can you work on real life in a therapist’s office? Most therapists are going to give you homework. If you are serious about improving yourself, you should embrace it.

It May Not Always Be Fun

The overall goal of therapy is to help you with a specific issue and make you feel better in the long run. It is not designed to make you feel good after every single session. In fact, some sessions may be very difficult. This makes sense. When you are talking about sensitive and challenging issues, you are going to have some bad moments. It is frustrating when a client comes out of a therapy session and complains that therapy is not working because a particular session made them feel poorly. I could argue that the most work gets done in these demanding moments.

Therapists Are Not Mindreaders

Therapists are not magical creatures that know what you are thinking. They only know what they—or others—tell them. You can’t expect results if you go into therapy and never talk about what is really bothering you. What’s worse, if you are lying to the therapist, you might as well not go in the first place. Lying to your therapist is the same as throwing money down the toilet.

Therapy Lasts More Than Two Sessions

Most therapy will not work immediately. Certain treatments (e.g, EMDR) are designed to work very quickly but the majority will take at least a few months of weekly sessions to start to be effective. If you leave therapy after a month because you don’t see improvement, you haven’t given it a chance. Expect to go consistently for at least four months to give it a fair shake.

You May Not Talk About Your Mother

Despite modern folklore, therapy isn’t just talking about your mother and working through childhood trauma. In fact, many popular current therapies are based on dealing with the here and now, rather than the past. Freud popularized therapy and he based almost all problems on our relationship with our mothers. But, his type of therapy isn’t used as much anymore. Instead, CBT and its offshoots have taken over and they focus on the present much more than the past.

Sessions Are A Set Length

The average therapy session is somewhere between 45-60 minutes long. That is how much you (or your insurance) are paying for. You should fully expect the therapist to end the session according to those time constraints. This may be true even if you are in the middle of discussing a serious topic. It might seem like you are being cut off, but it isn’t personal, it is appropriate limit-setting. Look at it this way: You don’t work more hours than you are paid, do you?

Think Of Psychotherapy As A Service

It is practical to think of therapy as a service. You pay someone for a certain job and they perform it. What messes people up about therapy is that it is different than most services you receive. When you see a medical doctor or a lawyer, for instance, you can easily measure what they did and what was the result. Talking to someone and working through your problems is not something that is easily quantified. It also involves a personal relationship that can lead to emotions and attachment. All that lends itself to confusion over what you feel you should be getting from the therapy experience.

Be Realistic About Therapy

That is why it is essential to have reasonable expectations about therapy. If you know what you are getting yourself into, it has a much better chance of being effective. If you begin therapy with unreasonable expectations, you are sure to leave disappointed, and maybe even hurt. And that would be a shame. Therapy can be a meaningful experience that will change your life for the better. If you feel you may need it, take a chance and go for it. Just understand that your therapist is not a miracle worker. You get out of it what you put into it. In other words, as terrifying as it may seem, your success in treatment will be mostly up to you.