Many parents don’t know what to make of their children’ obsession with social media. After all, most parents were born before online social networking was even invented. As I mentioned in a previous post, many parents did not even have cell phones when they were growing up. Even though you may use Facebook, the current generation of tweens and teens take online interaction to a whole new level. Here are some issues you should think about when guiding your child through the sometimes complicated world of social media.

Can I Say No?

Although you might be quite unpopular with your kids, delaying their use of social media is something you may want to consider. Your children may begin clamoring to use Instagram in elementary school but you have to decide if your child is ready to handle the craziness of being involved with sites like Twitter and Snapchat. It is a decision that should be made based more on their maturity level rather than their biological age. You may find it surprising, but most social networks state that no one under the age of 13 should be using their site. Unfortunately (or fortunately), there is no age verification process, enabling children of any age the ability to sign up if they are willing to lie about their age.

One thing that parents need to realize is that much of the current generation of tweens and adolescents rely on social media for communication, information, and socializing. When you don’t allow a teenager to be on a social network you are cutting them off from contact with their friends. This may cause some episodes of defiance. Many kids will end up signing up anyway without their parents’ knowledge. You may want to consider whether keeping them off social media is worth it. It is an important part of a teenager’s life. You are going to have to learn to manage it at some point.

What Should I Be Concerned About?

You are considering letting your child join a social media platform. What is there to worry about?

Psychological Issues

Recently, there have been reports that social media use is associated with depression and anxiety. These studies show associations, not direct causation, so it is difficult to definitively say that social media is the reason that kids are depressed or anxious. Having said that, there is a reason for real concern. Taken at face value, it is not difficult to see how social networking could contribute to psychological problems.

Social Media Pressures

Teenagers are already insecure about themselves. They are forming their own identity and constantly comparing themselves against others in an effort to fit in. Social media often adds to these struggles. Apps like Snapchat and Instagram are very image–based and prone to gossip and bullying. One wrong post can leave your child open to criticism and have them questioning their self-worth.

Predatory Behavior

Although the threat of predators may be slightly overstated due to inflated media coverage, there are predators on social platforms. Predators may be interested in taking advantage of teenagers for sexual, personal, and financial gain. It is essential that parents educate their children on how to avoid being taken advantage of by predatory behavior.

Inappropriate Content

There is a ton of inappropriate content online, especially for younger kids. While a lot of access depends on who you follow, it is out there if you look for it. If your children are “friends” with adults they are going to be privy to the same subject matter. Going over privacy settings with your child can eliminate much of the adult content.

Addiction

We make fun of how much kids are on their phones, but children (and adults) genuinely may become obsessed with social media. Although it usually does not reach the level of clinical addiction, it still can be highly problematic. It is not uncommon to find children withdrawing from family and rejecting other activities. Parents must put strict limits on the amount of time kids can be online so their use is curtailed. If those rules are set from the beginning, then it will be easier to enforce as time goes on.

Parent Suggestions for Social Media Use

You relented. They are on social media. Here is some advice for what you can do to make it a positive experience for you and your child.

Monitoring

When your child tells you that they don’t need monitoring, ignore them. They are still kids and they have a lot to learn. They need to be monitored to some degree. The level of monitoring you have for your child will depend on how much you trust them and their level of maturity. For example, you are probably going to want to monitor a 13-year-old more closely than a high school senior. A good way to monitor your child is to be “friends” with them. This will allow you to see what they are posting. A more intrusive form of monitoring may be demanding their password or taking their phone to look at what they are doing. Whatever type of monitoring you use, expect some pushback. Tweens and teens want privacy and monitoring intrudes on that.

Important Points

There are some basic rules for social media use. They are all important and you need to sit down with your child and make sure they know them. Although they may balk at them, help them understand that they are for their own well-being.

Don’t Share Personal Information

This may be rule number one. Predators depend on people giving out personal information to take advantage of them. This may include passwords, addresses, and other identifying information. If you don’t give them what they want they will likely move on to someone else.

Everything Is Permanent

Kids need to know that everything they post online is permanent. Even those disappearing images on Snapchat can be accessed for future embarrassment. Something you said a few years ago can still come back and haunt you.

Think Before You Post

Because nothing ever truly disappears, kids need to think long and hard before they post something online. This can prevent a lot of pain and conflict. If you wouldn’t say it to your grandmother, you probably should not be saying it online.

Privacy Settings

It is critical that parents and children take the time to go over the privacy settings for all social media platforms. Instagram’s default setting is public, so that needs to be changed to ensure your child is not sharing information with the general population. You want to make sure that your child actually knows with whom they are talking. It is quite easy (especially on Snapchat) to make friends with people who are total strangers. With appropriate privacy settings, you can feel more secure that your child is only talking with their friends. Privacy settings can easily be changed, however, so a spot check of them every once in a while is advised.

No Social Media At Bedtime

This may be the rule that elicits the most defiance but it is worth it. All internet-capable devices are turned off an hour before bedtime. This is important for multiple reasons. You want your kids to decompress and get ready for bed. Being on social media will certainly stir them up, not prepare them for sleep. They will also not be able to sleep when they think they might be missing out (FOMO) so don’t give them that option. Further, the light emitted from screens prevent the development of melatonin, a chemical that prepares the body for sleep. Sleep is incredibly important and most teenagers don’t get enough of it. Besides, you can’t monitor their behavior in the middle of the night. Bottom line: nothing good can happen if they have access to social media at night. While you’re at it, tell them no phones during mealtime or organized activities. This interferes with family bonding and promoting other interests.

You Are A Role Model

Finally, you can’t expect your children to follow your rules if you are not following them yourself. You have to show your child the appropriate way to mange social media. You lose all power and credibility if you try to enforce rules that you are abusing. By the way, saying, “because I’m an adult” or “because I said so” does not work.

Will I Survive?

Yes, the idea of your child using social media can be terrifying but it doesn’t have to be. With some monitoring, communication, and limit setting, your child’s use of social networks can be safe and entertaining. If you are lucky, they may even learn something. Chances are good you will make it through the social media firestorm relatively unscathed.