One of the great tragedies of being human is dealing with the death of a loved one. Whether it is a friend, family member, or a beloved pet, coping with death is one of the most heart-wrenching aspects of our lives. When someone dies, each person goes on an individual emotional journey. Let’s look at what you may expect and what you can do to minimize the impact of grief.

What Emotions Should I Expect?

When someone dies you are going to go through stages of grief. Different people will experience these stages in separate ways. Not only may you go through the stages in a different order, but you may even skip a stage or go back and forth. What is important for you to know is that what you are experiencing is a natural occurrence. These are the five stages of grief:

Denial 

Denial is a common reaction when someone dies. You don’t want to believe that this person you loved is gone. Denial is often associated with emotional numbness. This is your brain’s way of helping you to deal with the shock of their passing. 

Anger

You are likely to become angry that they have died. Sometimes it is easier to be angry than sad. You may blame yourself or even God for their death. Being angry is a way of coping with the pain of your loss. 

Bargaining

This could be called the what-if stage. What if they had taken better care of themselves? What if they had taken another route to work? You may even try to bargain with a higher power for their safe return. 

Depression

At some point, you are likely to experience some depressive symptoms. This is when the reality of death sets in. When someone dies they leave a significant void in your life.

Acceptance

Acceptance is the last stage of grief. It is a sign that you have accepted the passing of your loved one and are ready to go on with life. Acceptance does not mean that everything is great and you are all better, but it does mean that you have dealt with it enough to acknowledge that your life needs to move forward without them.

Is This More Than “Normal” Grief?

Everyone grieves when someone important in their life dies. However, some people get hit harder than others. Certain people have severe symptoms that never seem to decrease in their intensity. These people may experience what is called complicated grief. If you are still experiencing the following symptoms over a year after the death of a loved one, you may be experiencing complicated grief:

• Extreme sadness
• Fixation on the death of the loved one
• Unable to accept death
• Emotional numbness
• Feeling that life no longer has meaning 
• Constant longing for the deceased
• No longer finding joy in life

What Can I Do To Cope With Grief?

Don’t Avoid it

Part of reaching acceptance is acknowledging the situation and the pain it causes.  Although you don’t want to ruminate about your loss, you do want to face it. Many people’s first reaction is to go numb. After the shock subsides, however, it is important to get in touch with your feelings. Go to the funeral. Look through that photo album. Share remembrances with others. Avoiding their memory will only delay the healing process.

Seek Support

Although you might feel like locking yourself away in your bedroom, take the time to be with other people. One of the main roles of friends and family is to be there and show they love you. You don’t have to put on a brave face for them. If necessary, you can look elsewhere for support. Religious leaders and fellow congregants are usually good sources of aid. Further, numerous support groups focus on helping people cope with grief. Sometimes it is nice to be surrounded by people who know exactly what you are going through. 

Mark Anniversaries

Once you get through the initial stages of grief, there will undoubtedly be times that remind you of the person you lost. It is common to feel sad around birthdays, holidays, and other activities you used to do with that person. Instead of acting like they never existed, take the opportunity to mark their absence. For example, head to the cemetery over the holidays or reminisce with common friends on their birthday. Eventually, the thought of them will bring happy memories rather than sorrow. 

Self-Care

It is easy to slip into despair when someone you love passes away. Just remember, you are not doing anyone any good if you allow yourself to deteriorate. It is crucial to pay attention to The Healthy Trinity and take care of yourself. It will only make it more difficult to cope with your grief if you are falling apart.

Life Goes On

As much as we might desire it, life does not stop when someone dies. The grieving process is difficult but it does not need to define who you are. There are still people to love and activities to enjoy. You will never forget your beloved but you owe it to them and yourself to continue to seek all that life has to offer. The greatest way to honor their memory is to live your best life.